Saturday, January 31, 2009

College blues

I am 37 and a college student. Now I completely understand that it is not unusual for people of all ages to go to school. However, where I come from, back in the day this was not an option. You did your studying when you were young. There was no going back once you were an adult with responsibilities. And never you mind changing your mind about your career half way through your life! No no no! You did what you learned, for the rest of your life.

My father laid cobble stones for over 50 years. And he hated every minute of it. He wanted to be a marine biologist. Hard thing to do in a land locked country, with a mother set on you inheriting the family business. My father's father died when my dad was an infant, he never knew him. You do not break your mother's heart a second time. SO my father became a cobble stone layer, and never inherited the family business. The communists confiscated it until 1989, and then it was too late for my dad.

This of course all took place in the 'old country'. There is no such a thinking here, and so I am in school. But I have to wonder, do I really want to be? I have kids, a husband, and a house to look after, and I do not mind telling you, I was not doing such a good job before I was in school, and I am sure not doing a good one now. I am swamped with homework, overwhelmed by assignments that are over my head and I am terrified out of my mind that I will fail, and my dream of not being stupid will evaporate into thin air. So I have to question my decision here, and wonder am I out of my league?

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